All families fight. They fight about important issues and they fight about ridiculous issues. Why do we fight? We fight because we want something that we are not getting. The Letter of James says, “You want something and do not have it, so you commit murder.” That may be hyperbole, but we get the point. Our family fights are often rooted in desires that go unsatisfied.
What do we do about it? Two suggestions:
The first suggestion is to own your need. Figure out what is making you angry and then ask someone in your family to change their behavior accordingly. Remember, also, to look at the other side as well. Sometimes family fights start when someone else in the family is not getting what they need. Be sensitive to the neediness behind the anger.
The second suggestion is even more simple: don’t fight. The familiar dysfunctional pattern, as we have noted, is for fights that arise from frustration. Choose not to fight. People are not perfect. Families are not perfect. Your family is not going to satisfy your every need. Replace your anger with the knowledge of the grace we have in Jesus Christ, who made a sacrifice on our behalf that we did not deserve. Let go of worrying about what we think we deserve from our families. Instead, extend grace to them, and seek to serve them.
In our sermon this Sunday we will continue our series on “How to Get Along with your Family” with a message, “Why We Fight and What to Do About It.”